The Birth of a Dream (part 1)

I think that, sometimes, well meaning churches really miss the point.  I’m not church bashing, I am simply making an observation.  In their desire to teach children to live for God, they use a reward system of some sort.  You get a reward for learning verses, a reward for bringing your Bible, a reward for bringing visitors, a reward for doing a “Christian deed,” etc. Some Bible clubs even encourage competition between children to bring the most visitors or memorize the most verses. And the kids that do those things or win the competitions are considered the “good Christian” kids.  That may seem innocent enough.  I mean after all, children are learning scripture, right? (That is debatable.  Ask those kids to say the same verse two weeks after they win the prize, and see how many can still say it.  Some will, but most will not.)  And if a visitor hears about Jesus, than the prize is worth it, right?  I mean the ends justify the means, right? But what are we really producing when we use this kind of system?  I cannot speak for everyone, but let me tell you what it produced in me, and in several of my childhood church mates.

When I attended church as a child,  if there was a competition, I won it.  I remember winning a bike one time for bringing the most visitors.  Another time, I won a plane ride over Augusta, GA for the same thing.  In the Bible club I was involved in, I won every award.  We even had shirts that we pinned our awards onto.  This was great for me, because then everyone could see how good I was.  And it worked.  People began to compliment me on how talented I was, and how God was going to use me one day.  I did not realize it at the time, but I began to think that my value as a person was based upon my performance at church.  My teachers were proud of me, my parents were proud of me, God was proud of me.  In my mind, doing the "right" things became the basis for my acceptance and approval.

Disclamer: I am not saying that this is the outcome of every child involved in this type of Bible club.  This is just my experience.   

I really stepped it up a notch when I entered the youth group.  I won almost every competition.  One year, a girl, my youth group rival, beat me in a points competition, and I was ticked. But I took it all in stride.  I worked harder and did more.  I worked in a bus ministry, helped in jr. church, went on church visitation, memorized more verses, did devotions, brought guests, all for the sake of earning points to win a competition.  And again, people patted me on the back and told me how much God was going to use me.

So during the years of my youth I learned what a “good” Christian does, how a “good” Christian dresses, how a “good” Christian serves.  And it produced a checklist based Christianity.  If I could check off these specific things that I am doing, than I am alright, and it was totally based on my performance for God.  But in all of the good things that I was doing, there was something greatly missing, something that was lacking in all of my Christian training: how to have a real, vibrant, close relationship with Jesus.

Sad to say, but nothing changed in college. I was no longer a kid, or a teenager, but a young man, still seeking acceptance and approval through performance.  And it worked, again.  The result? I placed my value and significance in my performance, and because I knew how to perform, I was pretty important to the kingdom of God.  Meanwhile, I never let anyone see the real Andy, for fear that they might not like him.  No one, not even my new bride, knew my fears, my struggles, my heart.

Three years after graduating college, I started Safe Harbor Baptist Church, without having a real, vibrant, close relationship with God.  No, I did what I had always done before.  I relied on my own talent, personality, and performance, and it was disastrous.  Worse even!!!  And when your value and significance is based on your ability to perform, then when you are not performing well, then you feel like a loser.  I was angry, frustrated, confused, and depressed.

God allowed me to continue down that path for a year, and then in His great love, He pulled the rug out from under me…

Now you may be thinking, “What does this have to do with your dream?”  Stay with me.  We are getting there.