Three Promises Part 3: For Such a Time As This

Frodo:                   I wish the ring had never come to me.  I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf:               So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

                                                                                                                                Fellowship of the Ring

I cannot even count how many times this conversation between Frodo and Gandalf has permeated my thoughts.  I understand how Frodo must of felt.  Fate had sent him on a mission that He would not have chosen for himself.  He was stuck in a place that he did not want to be.  He had enemies seeking to destroy him.  He did not know what the outcome of his quest would be.  No wonder he felt the way he did.

 But Gandalf in all of his wisdom understood what Frodo did not:  We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it.  Spiritually speaking, we cannot choose God’s calling on our lives, but we choose how we answer that call.

I love, though, how Gandalf states it, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us.”  Ah, time.  How precious this gift is.  For we know not how much of it we have, and once it has escaped our grip, we can never lay our hands on it again.  So we have to make the most of the time given to us!

When we moved to South Carolina, I honestly thought I’d live here for 3 to 6 months.  That was over two and a half years ago.  And now that we are leaving this place in just a couple of days, I feel like I have no time.  Where did it go?

One thing that I know for sure is that God has worked mightily in these two and a half years.  He has grown and stretched us, and taken our faith to a whole new level.  He led us to a counselor, who helped us find some much needed healing.  He allowed me to revisit my past, confront it, and move passed it.  We have forged some lifelong relationships with people who have lifted us up in prayer, encouraged us, and walked alongside us in this journey.  We desperately needed this time as preparation before our “Quest for Eleutheria.”

But I would also like to think that our being here has made a difference in the lives of others.  God told us before we came that he would give us opportunities to help others while we were here, but I really didn’t know what He had in mind.  In fact, my attitude was this: “Okay, Lord, show me what I must do, so that I can do it and hit the road.”  I’m sure He just shook His head, and thought, “Boy, you have no idea.”

Well, as we began reconnecting with old friends and meeting new ones, I found that my story resonated with many of them, and that their stories resonated with me.  Just like the dear people in Traverse City, these folks were searching for more.  Some of them needed to find healing.  A few were in bondage to sin and needed to be led to freedom.  Others were discovering in their own spirits that there was more to the Christian life than what they were currently experiencing, but they really did not know which direction to take in order to find it. 

When someone began to share their life’s journey with me, I knew that God was up to something really big, and that He had brought us here for such a time as this. He has given us so many opportunities to help people navigate through some pretty rough waters.  A man paralyzed by doubt and fear because of a deeply rooted father wound.  A couple burned out by ministry.  A man who needs to be delivered from the bondage of pornography.  A couple trying to break the bonds of legalism.  Each one with a story.  Each one finding deliverance through Christ.  It is amazing and humbling.   Nothing, absolutely nothing, excites me more than helping someone discover freedom, than leading someone down the path that leads to a more abundant life.  I would not have traded this time for anything.

Thank you, God, for sending us here.  Thank you for the mighty work you have done in us, and the mighty work you have done in the lives of others through us. Thank you for the promises that you gave us when we moved here.  I am so glad that you sent the “ring” to me, and help me make the most of the time given to me.

Double Minded

When someone makes a comment about how much they admire our faith, I really want to say to them, “You don’t know the half of it, literally.”  You see about half the time, my resolve is strong, my faith is secure, and my determination is steadfast.  The other half of the time, not so much. 

This truly is a journey of faith.  God has done so much, but frankly, we need to see Him do more.  So I find myself playing the “what if…” game.  What if we need to wait longer?  What if we run out of money before we get there?  What if I don’t have the funds to secure a house to rent or start my business?  (Phase 1 of the master plan is to start a window cleaning business.)  What if God doesn’t provide?  What if my Tahoe dies while pulling this heavy trailer all over the country?  What if this really isn’t my dream?  What if this is not God speaking at all?  What if?  What if?  What if?

I mean, I am uprooting my kids (again), taking them away from their friends (again), starting over (again), all because I believe that God put a dream in my heart and has said that now is the time to go.  What if I am wrong?  Then what?  Just today a good friend asked me if I was sure that I did not want to stay and flip just one more house.  How tempting.  It would definitely solidify our finances.  Why not wait?

Well here’s what I know.  Every time I pray for wisdom and direction, the Holy Spirit, our Teacher and Guide, reiterates again, “Go, and I will be with you.  I will provide what you need.” 

When I pick up God’s Word, He shows me the same thing.  Let me give you just one example.  I have been studying the book of Joshua lately.  I have also been reading two books that both referenced a particular event that took place in Joshua.  The children of Israel were getting ready to cross the Jordan River to begin their conquest of the Promised Land.  God promised that He would part the waters of the Jordan for His people to cross, but only after the priests, carrying the ark of the covenant, step into the water. God had provided for them on numerous occasions, had performed countless miracles on their behalf, but now they needed another one.  And God wanted them to exercise their faith before the miracle.  God said to me, “This is how I am going to do it for you. I have provided for you.  I have met your needs, and now I want you to take a leap of faith. Do you trust Me enough to step into the water before you have all the answers?  Before you have all that you need for the journey?”

So when I pray and seek God’s Word, I hear, “Go.”  When I lean on my own understanding, I think maybe I should possibly wait.  The other thing is this, when I set my mind to go, I have peace, a peace that passes understanding.  When I think about waiting, no peace.  So I am still nervous, scared even.  But I choose to trust in the Lord and allow Him to direct my paths.

Author Mark Batterson says that when you step out on faith, it is not your reputation on the line, but God’s.  He is the One who is bound by His promises, and He will come through.  So when I am double minded, my new prayer is simply this:  Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.

Three Promises Part 2:Packing Up

 We closed on our house on Friday.  Packing, loading, cleaning, purging: you know how laborious and exhausting that can be.  Instead of renting a moving truck, I bought a 16 foot trailer to pull behind our Tahoe, and it is packed out. Now the plan is to pull the trailer to Idaho, unload it, and sell the trailer.  Trailers sell for about $1200 dollars more out in Idaho than they do in South Carolina, so I should be able to sell the trailer for more than I paid for it.  I think it’s a good plan.  But when I hooked the trailer up to my Tahoe, the hitch dropped dramatically, only about three inches from the ground.  That’s not going to work.  I sought wise counsel from a few people who actually know about these sorts of things, and I was told that I need a weight distribution hitch and some sort of airbag for the rear coils.  So I take my Tahoe in on Wednesday to have that done.

Leaving this house is bittersweet for us.  Obviously, we knew we would have to sell it before moving to Idaho, but as we packed, each member of my family felt the sorrow of loss that comes when you leave a part of you behind.  This house has been special to us.  My kids loved it.  I remember coming home from work one day to find that they had dug underground tunnels in the back yard.  Crystal and I have counseled several couples and individuals sitting at our kitchen table or in our living room.  We have entertained guests, celebrated birthdays, experienced God, fought, made up, had Bible studies…

The really cool thing: this house is a fulfillment of one of God’s promises to us.  We had been staying in a missions house at a local church (totally God’s provision), but I had been looking for houses to rent.  I knew a guy who would buy foreclosures, remodel them, and then sell them for a profit.  It is called “flipping a house.”  After talking with him, I decided to start looking for a foreclosure myself.  I found one that I thought would be good to flip.  No structural damage, it just needed a good facelift.  The only problem was that I was broke, and I couldn’t get a loan.  And so I did what any grown man, responsible husband, and father of four would do: I called my dad. “Hey man, I’ve got a business proposition for you.  I have found a foreclosure that needs some work.  I think we can fix it up, sell it, and make a good profit.  I will live in it and do the work, all you have to do is pay for it.  We split the profit 50/50.  What do you think?”

I really did not know what to expect.  I was asking him to take money from his retirement and to invest it in a rundown house during a time when the housing market was not exactly booming.  We walked through the house, and I honestly thought that he wasn’t going to do it.  But a couple weeks later he called and said, “Wel,l I guess if we are going to buy that house, we need to put in a bid.”  We did, and we got the house. 

We spent the next few weeks working tirelessly to repair that house.  We pulled up the urine stained carpets (I am assuming from dogs), and refinished the hardwood floors.  We busted out a wall to open up the floor plan.  We changed all the light fixtures, painted, remodeled both bathrooms and the laundry room, put on new siding, landscaped the yard, etc.  I loved taking something broken and in bad need of repair, and restoring it into something beautiful.  By the way, isn’t that what Christ desires for us?  I know that is what He did for me!!!

So we lived in this house for two years, sold it, and made a decent profit.  During this time, another friend (who also happens to be my boss) and I bought another foreclosure, fixed it up, and sold it.  That allowed me to pay off my debt and buy a Tahoe.  I will share the details about this in another post.

We moved to SC with virtually nothing, but through God’s grace and the kindness of my father and a good friend, we are debt free and have the provision we need to move to Idaho.  I had no idea how God would provide, I just know that He said He would, and He has provided and continues to provide to meet all of our needs.

Three Promises (part 1)

God had given us three promises about our time in South Carolina.  First of all, He would allow this to be a time of healing and growth for us.  Secondly, He said that He would use this time to prepare us financially for our journey.  Thirdly, He said that He would give us opportunities to do in SC what we want to do out west.  Still, we were not eager to move south. Our hearts were set in one direction on the compass…west!  Nevertheless, at the Word of our mighty Captain, and trusting His promises to us, we packed up and prepared to move. 

And it has been sunshine and roses ever since.  Manna has fallen from heaven every day.  And our faces have a heavenly glow from the radiance of God’s glory because we have obeyed him.  Okay, not really.  Not even close.  Just the drive from Michigan to SC almost did us in. From the moment we loaded our four kids up in our 2000 purple Dodge Caravan (my dream vehicle, especially the color), Crystal and I began arguing, and we were still at odds when we pulled into my parents’ driveway.  Have you ever had a seventeen hour argument with your spouse with no break, no reprieve, no way to escape.   It was brutal.  We were fighting, my kids were crying, and the enemy was laughing.

We came to South Carolina with virtually nothing.  All of my worldly goods were in a storage unit in Michigan.  We had a couple of suitcases filled with some clothes, a few books, and some toys for the kids.  We had very little money (a few hundred bucks). I had no job, no home, and no plan.  I tried my hand at a sales job that I absolutely hated, and it proved to be fruitless.   We spent the first six weeks in SC living with my parents because I had no way of providing a home for my family.  I remember a friend of mine complaining because his television was not as big as he would like.  We saw a 54 inch flat screen, and he said to me, “That’s nice.  I only have a 32 inch flat screen.” I responded, “Yeah…I’m homeless.”  He lowered his head and said, “Okay, you win.”

I felt as though God was stripping me of everything, and leaving me with nothing.  I counseled with a pastor friend, who basically told me that I was going through a mid-life crisis a few years early.  Thanks for the encouragement!!!  When the horse breaks his leg, just shoot him.

I think the hardest part was that Crystal was at the same low point, lower even.  Crystal is my best friend and most faithful companion.  She lifts me up when I am down, and I try to do the same for her.  But we were both so drained emotionally that we had nothing to give each other.  We felt so alone. My kids would cry daily, asking us if we could move back home. It ripped my heart out.

Now, for the record, not every moment was bad, and we did not spend every waking moment wallowing in self pity.  In fact, the main highlight of the early days in SC was reconnecting with some dear friends.  God, in his loving kindness surrounded us with some great people, and used them to lift us up.  Our journey felt somewhat like Frodo’s quest to Mordor, and God surrounded us with a “fellowship” to help us carry the ring. (If I just lost you, this is a reference to “The Lord of the Rings”)  I will mention many of them in another post, but for now, just let me say that God used them to carry us when we could not pick ourselves up, and we are eternally grateful.

  What I did not realize at the time, but what I am beginning to understand, is that God was fulfilling one of his promises-to grow us.  You see, He had orchestrated this move, not for our hurt, but for our good. He was strengthening us for what lies ahead. You see, when you set out to accomplish your God given purpose, when you come alive, you will be opposed.  All of the fury of the enemy will be unleashed on you.  Why?  Because he fears who you are.  A Child of the King, a Prince or Princess of the kingdom, a valuable Warrior in this crusade.  And the enemy fears what God will do in you and through you when you choose to forsake all else and play your role in this magnificent story that God is writing.  Because when you do, people will see Christ, come to know Him, follow Him, glorify Him.  And every time that happens, the enemy loses again.

Oh yes, my brothers, you will be opposed.  The battle is not for the weak, the frail of heart.  So our mighty Captain prepares us for the mission for which we are called.  It is not torment, it is not judgment; it is His gracious loving kindness working in our hearts so that we can step onto the battlefield with confidence and courage, so that we can raise our swords high and proclaim, “Victory is ours through the power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.   James 1:2-4

"Go South, Young Man."

In the Spring of 2009, we shared our dream of moving west with our congregation and told them that we would be leaving Traverse City, MI.  The people of our church were so very gracious.  They were saddened by our news, but they were also very excited for us to pursue God’s dream for us.  They also allowed me to stay on as their pastor until I had clear direction on how to proceed.

In August of that year, we were visiting my family in South Carolina (my childhood home) when God told me something that I totally was not expecting.  Actually, it kind of felt like a punch in the stomach.  We were staying in a lodge at a local church camp, and I took a walk around the pond to clear my head and have a conversation with God.  I was actually a little frustrated because the entire summer had passed, and I had no more clarity than I did in April, when I told our church we were moving.

So there I was, on the other side of the pond, griping, complaining, and asking God how He was going to do this whole “moving out west” thing.  And so God said, “What you want to do out west, I want you to do it here first.”  

“Here?  What do you mean by ‘here’?”

“Here in South Carolina.  There are some people here who need what you have.”

I was not excited about what I had just heard, nor was I eager to tell my wife what God had said.  You see, we had already set our hearts on going west.  I actually said, “God, South Carolina is not west.”  I am sure that he already knew that, for He is much wiser than I am.

When I returned to the lodge, Crystal asked me how my walk was, and I told her.  She felt about it the same way I did, and we decided to spend more time praying about it, and time and time again, God confirmed it in our hearts that we were indeed supposed to move to South Carolina. He told us that we would have opportunities to help others, but he also said that he would use this place as a time of healing and growth for us, and that he would use this time to prepare us financially to move out west.

So in October of 2009, we moved south.  Honestly, we were not excited about it.  I had thought that if God were to ever take me away from Traverse City, MI, that he would lead me to a place that I would love even more.  Instead, I was leaving a place of life, freedom, and authenticity, and I was returning to a place that I did not want to be, a place that held much pain for me.  A place where the “old Andy” dwelled.  Why couldn’t God just let us go where our hearts were? I mean if God takes away something good, He always replaces it with something better, right?  We did not feel like we were getting something better.

So God put a dream in our hearts, told us that we would have a ranch out west, and then sends us the opposite direction.  Well that doesn’t make any sense, does it?  Oh, but how wise our God is!!!  I have learned and continue to learn that God’s purposes are eternal and that His promises are not fulfilled on our time frame.

I mean, God gave Joseph a dream.  And then before the dream was accomplished, Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers, and then thrown into prison for doing the right thing.  Moses had a dream to help his afflicted brothers and sisters in Egypt.  And so God sends him to the desert for forty years before the dream is fulfilled.  David is anointed to be King as a teenager, but several years pass before he sits on the throne. Time after time, it seems as though God decided to lead men and women the long way around to their dream. 

I heard someone say one time that the journey is the destination.  I agree.  It is the journey that makes us who we are.  It is the journey, with all of its successes and failures, that grows us into the people who are strong enough to actually accomplish the dream.  It is the journey that makes our stories worth telling.  The best stories are the ones with danger and uncertainty, the ones where someone has to step up and play a larger role than he knew he could play, a role that changes the world.  We like those stories.  Frankly, I believe those are the stories God calls us into.  So why would it be easy?  That would not make a good story. 

How boring would it be to read this, “So Samuel anointed David King of Israel, put him in his chariot, and took him to the palace to replace King Saul.”  There would be no David versus Goliath, no friendship with Jonathon, no hiding in caves, no band of brothers.  And many of the beautiful Psalms that we read for strength and comfort would not even be in the Bible.

So we came, reluctantly.  But, oh, what God has done on the journey.  Some things have been exciting, some things have been hard, but all things have been good…because the Lord has orchestrated it all to help us, grow us, prepare us, and frankly, to make our story even better. 

(In my next post, I will share some of the wonderful things God has done.)

The Birth of a Dream (part 2)

(coninued from my last post)

One emotional event changed my life forever.  The event is not so important in this discussion, but the ramifications of the event are eternal.  In a moment, my entire paradigm changed.  I can’t fully explain it, but God opened my eyes and allowed me to see that I had totally missed the point.  As I was crying my eyes out on my bed, God gently said to me, “Andy you are not valuable because of what you do or don’t do.  You are valuable because you are my child.” 

Talk about a wake-up call.  In all my life, I had never known that.  At that moment, I realized that I had spent my whole life trying to earn God’s acceptance by doing.  And God then said, “I do not want your service as much as I want your heart, to know you, and I want you to know Me.”  Again, I was blown away.  God had called me out of hiding, and was healing these broken pieces in me that I did not know were there.  He said, “Andy, I love you for you.”  .  It was a lot to take in all at once. But immediately everything changed in how I saw this thing known as Christianity.  It took some time to sort it all out, but God gently and patiently taught me how to walk in this liberating knowledge. 

It was a time of a lot of “firsts” for me.  For the first time ever, I greatly desired to spend time alone with God.  When you stop seeing God as someone whose love you are trying to earn, and start seeing Him as someone who loves you for you, you want to draw close to Him. 

For the first time ever, I stopped trying to earn love and acceptance.  I stopped trying to please people.  I stopped doing in order to earn God’s favor.  In fact the whole motive of my service changed.  Instead of serving to earn God’s love, I began serving because of God’s love. (That, in and of itself, would free a lot of burned out Christians.) 

For the first time ever, I came out of hiding.  I allowed people to see the real Andy.  The façade that I had put on for years began to melt away, and authenticity became my greatest desire.  Your marriage will change dramatically when you allow your spouse to see the real you.  My wife told me later, “I knew there was more in there than what you were letting me see.” 

For the first time ever, I humbled myself to get the help I needed.  When you do not allow God to fill the void in your life, you will fill it with other things.  So I sought counseling to break free from some things that were keeping me from living a life of integrity.  I found healing from some past wounds,   I found freedom from past sins, condemnation, and shame.  I learned my true identity in Christ. (By the way, it is much more than “just a sinner saved by grace!”)  I learned how to take up the armor of Christ to defeat the enemy.  I learned how to walk in the freedom Christ has bestowed upon me by His grace.  It amazed and continues to amaze me how gracious and loving God is to me.

During this time, God dropped a book in my lap that really helped me on my journey.  To this day, it is still the best book I have ever read:  Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge.  As I was reading the book, I was astounded.  It was like this guy looked into my heart, saw everything I was feeling but could not yet express, and put it down on paper.

Things also changed in my ministry.  I stopped trying to build a church.  It’s funny actually.  In my arrogance, I actually thought that I could build a church.  Crystal and I decided to let God build the church.  Our role was simply to administer God’s grace to others.  For a whole year, I did not do anything organizationally at the church.  I basically showed up on Sunday mornings and preached.  And the craziest thing happened, God began to build the church. 

Crystal and I met a lady at Cracker Barrel and invited her family to church.  Sunday morning, Holly, her husband, Keith, and their two young sons were there.  They then invited another couple, who in turn invited another couple.  That alone doubled the size of our congregation.  The coolest part, all of them and many of their children were saved and baptized at Safe Harbor.

But something else also happened that led to the birth of our dream. (I know, you are probably thinking, “Finally!!!”)  God started sending people to our church from other churches.  Now, my goal was never to build a church of disgruntled Christians coming from other churches.  In fact, if I met someone who attended another church, I would not even invite them to mine.  But if someone visited my church because they were not finding life at theirs, I was not really going to encourage them to return to a place that was an unhealthy environment for them.  So here is what I did.  When a person from another church visited ours, I would sit down with them and learn their story.  And what I found was this: these people weren’t disgruntled; they were hurting.  Instead of receiving help and encouragement from church, they were beat down with shame and condemnation.  They felt like all of their efforts weren’t enough.  They were burned out, and they were far from God.  Another light bulb moment: there are tons of people out there just like me.  When I asked them about their walk with God, it was virtuously nonexistent.  They had a desire to do right, and they wanted to please God, but to know him intimately was a foreign concept.

Crystal and I found ourselves doing a lot of counseling.  And I simply began teaching them the things God had taught me.  My preaching also centered around these truths.  And do you know what?  These disillusioned believers began to find life.  I saw their eyes light up as they began to realize there is so much more to this journey of faith than what they had been taught, and they found freedom.

And I also found out something about myself: I never feel more alive than when I am helping someone find freedom in Christ.  John Eldredge says, “Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and do that.  Because what the world needs is men and women who have come alive.”  In the midst of helping these believers, God said to me, “This is what I want you to dedicate your life to, helping others find freedom and purpose, helping others come alive.” 

So there it is.  God used my failures, my pain, and my desires to birth a dream in my heart.  That is why “Eleutheria” (freedom) is such a big deal to me.  Christ has set us free, but so many fail to walk in that freedom. I desire to help them discover how to walk in the liberty to which we have been called.  And so we are setting up a place of refuge for individuals to come and find freedom.  And though we do not fully know how the ranch will evolve, we do know that it will be a place of healing, restoration, and freedom.

My heart leaps from my chest and tears well up in my eyes as I write, because I know that God has used everything in my life to bring me to this point.  The journey hasn’t been easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is.  But I can say this with great certainty, the journey is worth it. And though I am not there yet, the dream is just as alive and well as it was when God first whispered it in my ear.  And my God is more real to me than ever before.